First things first. You need to approach a pending divorce as a practical project. It can feel overwhelming, everything to think about at once. It is important to break down what you need to do into bitesize, achievable chunks.
Here is my list:
Obtain legal advice.
Know your options. Your solicitor should give you the worst and best case scenario, advice on what to do next, advice on how to negotiate and advice on likely outcomes.
Prepare your case.
Prepare your case, financially and emotionally, work out your budget and where you are going to live. What do you want to happen to your children? Which parent they will live with? How often will they see the other parent and will their schooling need to change? The children’s emotional needs should take priority. How are you going to tell them? When? Together with your spouse is best.
Tell your spouse
Plan when and how you will tell your spouse. Assuming there are no abuse issues, some people have a solicitor’s letter they hand deliver, or tell their spouse in a counselling session, or over dinner a ta restaurant, or at home when the children are out. There are many different scenarios and it is what you think you can best cope with.
Look after your body, mind and soul. Divorce is very stressful. People lose their appetite, loose weigh and cannot sleep. others turn to addictive substances such as alcohol for relief. Focusing on your health, via exercise and food will help you cope better ad feel better. Join a yoga class. keep up attendance at the gym. Go on a retreat. Get some counselling. Look after yourself as if you are some one you genuinely care about.
Limit who you talk to
Everyone will have an opinion on your marriage. Limit who you discuss things with to a few close friends.
Proceed with caution but do proceed
It takes on average 6 months to a year to get divorced and finalise the financial arrangements. Things can stagnate dreadfully if your spouse is non cooperative. It is important to be patient and resilient. keep things moving but so not expect an overnight solution.