Lots of people ask this question!
Most of the signs are obvious after the event but…
- He is more interested in sex.
She is less interested in sex.
- She stops nagging.
He starts buying her flowers.
- She joins a gym, fitness class, adult education class – anything new that requires weekly commitment.
He has work commitments after hours or takes a job that requires travel – perhaps something that she has been nagging him to do for years.
- Her appearance improves.
His appearance improves.
- She keeps talking about a work colleague whom he has never met.
He keeps talking about a work colleague whom she has never met.
- She becomes over friendly with another couple and she tends to stay up late drinking with him after her husband and his wife have gone home to their own beds.
Same for him but in reverse.
- A friend of his is suddenly available to accompany his wife when he is away on business.
He is mentoring one of her friends.
- She has a shower when she comes in after a night out with the girls.
He has a shower after a late night at the office.
- She is furtive with her phone, taking it into the shower with her.
He has a second mobile phone she did not know about.
- She encourages him to do something she would have prevented him doing in the past – such as going to the World Cup.
He buys her and her best friend a weekend away at a health farm.
- She does not care when/if he comes home.
He avoids going home.
- She answers the phone and it is hung up – this happens more than once.
The gardener is always around, moving furniture, putting up shelves…
- She stops spending money on food, the fridge is always empty and she is eating out with a girlfriend again.
He hides his credit card receipts.
Clearly more than one of the above is needed to arouse suspicion but the following are probably conclusive:
- An airline calls to confirm your seats for your romantic break… but you are not travelling.
- A hotel calls to let you know that you have left an item of jewellery/clothing in the room and you have never been there.
- Someone else gives you the sordid details.
- He/she stays out all night without telling you.
- She is pregnant but the dates don’t add up.
Unfortunately lots of people are unfaithful and the last one to find out is usually their spouse. This may be because they do not want to know and many people run outwardly successful marriages for years whilst enjoying extra marital affairs.
It is often an instinctive feeling that something is not quite right that proves ones worst suspicions in the end!