Is this you? A deal is reached, a good deal, financially it works for you, but then the other side launches their emotional missile.
- You stand to gain at least £80,000.00 but their last minute request that you pay their costs of £2,000.00 means the whole thing is off and you would rather go to Court. Why? I ain’t paying their costs you answer. Why not, you will still be £78,000.00 better off? I ain’t paying their costs and I would rather go to Court and lose everything. And here’s the scary thing… you mean it!
- Your ex-spouse is somewhat controlling over when and where you see the children. However, you do actually see them as much as you want, she has never refused a request just made a bit of a fuss about it. The problem is you are tres irritated by her attitude that she acts as if she is doing you a favour by allowing you to see your own children. What do you do? Send a stinky solicitor’s letter insisting on Contact taking place when you want and add in a barbed comment about her social life for good measure. The result? You will still see the children when you want but even more of a fuss will be made and perhaps your ex partner’s boyfriend will now deal with the handovers.
There are many more examples of the need to win emotionally over ruling the practical reality. It is easy for someone else to spot the syndrome, social workers talk about a boil needing to be lanced, a fight that needs to happen, but meanwhile you are ready to explode with self righteous indignation at your spouse’s behaviour!
Look at Paul and Heather McCartney. What’s that all about? Certainly not about getting divorced. It’s about engaging in a duel and they appear determined to slog it out regardless of the emotional, professional and financial impact. At each stage people are advised how to settle matters amiably and some people simply need to fight. If that’s you good luck. A positive side effect will be that you lose weight. A negative will be that you start smoking!